Ask JewishAmerica Archives
1998 - Volume 3

4/6/98
Chametz For Sale

>Does the torah say one has to sell one's chametz to a non-jew before pesach
>or is it a rabbinic decree?

Actually, none of the above.

The Torah instructs us to have no chametz in our posession during the holiday. We are also charged to destroy our chametz prior to the holiday.

So, if all the chametz that you own is one slice of bread and you burn it on Passover eve, then you have fulfilled the commandments that relate to owning and destroying chametz.

The institution of selling our chametz to a non-jew is a convenience that the rabbis made for us.

The sale must be a full and valid sale. It is not a charade. If not done properly, then the chametz is still in our posession. This is why we have a knowledgeable rabbi do it.

The sale must be done in a way so that the non-Jew should be able to get to it and keep it. He/she just must fully pay for it. The sale is typically done in such a way that the non-Jew winds up making a small profit from the entire transaction by not keeping it and by re-selling it back to us right after the holiday.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/12/98
Grave Thoughts

Someone did research on what a soul is, based on how the scriptures refer to it. They did not use traditional Jewish sources. The person invited our comment and we thought that this may be of interest to you.

Since you invited comment, please allow me to share my thoughts.

Glad you are studying the Torah. Please let me know if you'd like to attend Torah classes in your area.

According to my understanding of traditional Jewish sources:

A person consists of several parts. A person has a body which is physical. A person has parts that are not physical. The non-physical parts are typically described in terms of Nefesh, Ruach, and Neshama. These are in order of increasing spirituality. There are higher parts, also.

Your research is based on that which is stated in the Written Torah. We also have an Oral Torah and this provides additional insight into this topic.

Your sources are based on English translations of the Written Torah, which typically do not differentiate. They may also be using the term 'soul' in the popular sense. Since we live in a Judeo-Christain civilization, they may not be consistent with traditional Jewish sources, especially with the Oral Torah.

Many, if not all, of the sources actually refer to the term, Nefesh.

The Scriptures sometimes refers to a person as a Nefesh.

You write: "According to the Hebrew scriptures man himself is a soul."

I would say that a person contains a non-physical part, one of which is a Nefesh.

You write: "Animals are also souls."

I would say that animals have a non-physical part, also called a Nefesh. It appears that there is some similarity between the lower portions of a person's Nefesh and that of the animal. I have no source to say that the Nefesh of a person is identical to that of an animal. I doubt that this is true.

You write: "Souls have blood."

I would say that the Nefesh is connected in some way with the physical body through the blood.

You write: "Souls eat and drink."

I would say that it seems that the Nefesh derives nourishment from our eating and drinking. This is probabily not physical nourishment.

You write: "Souls fast." "Souls can touch unclean things." "Souls work."

I don't know whether and how this term relates to souls. It may be the scriptures using the word Nefesh to refer to people.

You write: "Souls can be destroyed, they can die."

It does appear that the Nefesh can be cut off from a person's spiritualy heigher parts. I don't know what this means and how it relates to death. It's probably not death as we know it, since death as we know it is a physical experience and the Nefesh is not a physical existence.

You write: "The soul is said to "go out" at death, which means that it goes out in the same sense as a fire goes out." "When the spirit and breath are restored the soul is said to "return" in the midst of the person, which means that it returns in the same way a fire returns when it is rekindled."

I would say that our non-physical parts detatch from our body at death. They continue their existence. They will someday be re-united with a body which G-d will restore.

You write: "When the soul dies the spirit departs and there is no consciousness."

I don't believe that this consistent with our sources. The body is not functional and it disintegrates. However, we continue on in some other form. After death, we are judged and we are cared for. Our consciousness is in a more elevated state after death than that which we currently experience.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/12/98
Killed Lambs

>I am looking for information on atonement and the lamb killed.
>I will appreciate any help you can give me.

I believe that you are referring to the annual Passover sacrifice that was long ago performed in the Temple.

Jewish sources provide no association between this sacrifice and the theme of atonement.

Passover is a holiday of freedom. We have another holiday for atonement and it is called Yom Kippur. It occurs almost six months after Passover.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/12/98
Future Teacher Food

>Hello, I am a college student trying to find some facts about the Jewish
>religion. I am in education class and I have to find some facts that are good
>to know for future teachers. For instance, any special considerations that we
>might need to take into consideration when dealing with Jewish children, foods
>if any that you can't eat, etc. Just some tips for teachers to treat Jewish
>children the best we could. I would appreciate any thing you could suggest to
>me. Thank you very much for your time.

Thank you for your question.

Public school activities that are associated with religion in any way will probably cause discomfort and should be avoided, if at all possible.

We have dietary guidelines but not every family is knowledgeable about them.

Kids have all sorts of problems with foods. I have a child that is highly allergic to nuts. Prior to any food activity, I'd suggest that you query the parents as to the special dietary concerns for their children.

We have holidays such as Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur and children may be home for them.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/18/98
It Ain't Over

>The question I'm posing in my paper's thesis is this: With the
>Zionist movement fulfilled, is the Jewish role as the Chosen People up?

The Jewish role as the Chosen People is documented in the Bible.

The Bible foretells that the Jewish people will be driven out of their Home Land and they will someday return.

I see no link in the Bible between the two. Upon what sources is your thesis based?

We discuss the concept of the Chosen People in our Tour of Jewish and World History. How do you understand it? What are your sources?

The year 1948 was not the end of Jewish History. There are a number of newspaper articles about the Jewish people that are dated after this year.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/26/98
Civil Birthday Celebration

>Suppose we want to celebrate a birthday or give a present to a person on
>his/her birthday. Do we use the Jewish calendar or the civil calendar?

The birthday of the Jewish people has been celebrated over 3,300 times.

Personal birthdays are a recent innovation (relatively). I don't know of any sources in the Oral or Written Torahs for them.

We've been using the Jewish calendar for a good many millenium. Our use of the civil calendar personal events is also a recent innovation, (relatively).

You can therefore use this to your advantage.

First, since most people don't know much about the Jewish calendar, why not send a birthday card on their Jewish birthday. This is a novel way to show that you are thinking about them and it also gives you something to talk about. For your child, it gives you another opportunity to extend to him/her another link to their glorious past. Focusing on the Jewish date is a good way to strengthen Jewish identity within your family.

Second, if you forget a birthday in one calendar, you can always make it up by sending a card for the day in the other calendar. This can be a real lifesaver (alternate reading: a wifesaver).

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/26/98
Memory and Hope

Responding to your "In Memory and Hope" article, I was greatly saddened.

I was born to a Jewish mother and a Catholic father. I have been studying Jewish theology. I find it to be a wonderful religion full of life, love, and hope. Referring to interfaith marriages as "the silent holocaust" is not only downplaying the severity of the actual Holocaust, but making the children of interfaith marriages feel as if they are the product of something negative.

I was brought up to choose which faith was right for me. The focus should not be on the loss of Jewish people due to interfaith marriages, but the number of children who have the ability to actually CHOOSE to be Jewish, instead of having their parents beliefs simply passed. Thank you for your time.

Dear Rachel,

Thank you for your feedback.

Your words about Judaism are very true and encouraging.

Given that your mother is Jewish, you are also a full Jew with a share in the great destiny of the Jewish people.

G-d gives everyone free-will and I sincerely hope that you choose to adopt and maintain our heritage. Please let me know if you would like additional resources on learning and experiencing Judaism. Would you like someone to contact you? If yes, please drop a line with your name, address, and phone.

I certainly do not want to give an impression that children of an intermarriage such as that of your family are already lost.

Rachel, a lot of people are getting lost and a lot of people getting found.

We're loosing a lot of kids to assimilation whose both parents are Jewish.

Children of an intermarriage do have more to overcome, but they are certainly not lost and you do not have to be, either.

From your perspective and background you can rise up to be a star in our destiny.

"And you shall choose life. (Deut 30:19)"

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/29/98
Katz

>My friend's mother's maiden name
>is Katz. What is the origin of this name?

Katz comes from an abbreviation that is made from two Hebrew letters, Kaf and Tzadi. They are short for the Hebrew words, 'Kohen Tzedek.'

A Kohen is a descendent of Aharon, the Aaron in the Bible who founded the priestly family. Mrs. Katz's father was most probably a priest, a Kohen.

I say most probably, because there are a number of people whose last name is Cohen but who are not descendents of Aharon.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

4/30/98
Fixing The World

>I am going thru a training program with a Jewish organization and
>I've taken it upon myself to add a little more traditional sources to their
>good works.
>
>Obviously, if you don't think Jewish concern for civil rights is
>consistent with Tikkun Olam it would be tough to help me.
>
>But, in fact, if there are Torah/Talmud referrals to how Jews must behave to others,
>in a political sense as well as personal one, I'd love to know about them.
>
>Do we have an obligation as Jews to speak out against mistreatment, against injustice,
>and against hate? If so (as I like to believe), I'd like to learn what the sources
>are for that obligation.
>
>What makes Jewish activism so very Jewish?

It's a bit difficult to discuss this.

Our Torah has guidelines for every aspect of human life. We have six-hundred-thirteen root mitzvos, which branch out in many wonderful ways.

Acts of kindness and compassion are one of several pillar stones of Judaism.

Specifically, the Mishna in Avos says the following: "The world rests on three things: Torah study, worship, and acts of kindness."

Suppose a group of Jewish people formed an organization that promoted Torah study in a very peculiar manner. The bulk of their membership hardly prayed, nor were they kind to other human beings. In fact, they were downright nasty to everyone, even to each other. By and large, the membership abandoned every aspect of Torah practice, except Torah study. They had members who studied eighteen hours a day! They based this emphasis on numerous citings in the Written and Oral Torahs that praise Torah study.

We can do the same for the second pillar.

Suppose a group of Jewish people formed an organization that promoted prayer in a very peculiar manner. The bulk of their membership hardly studied Torah, nor were they kind to other human beings. In fact, they were downright nasty to everyone, even to each other. By and large, the membership abandoned every aspect of Torah practice, except prayer. They had members who prayed eighteen hours a day! They based this emphasis on numerous citings in the Written and Oral Torahs that praise prayer.

We can do the same for the third pillar but I think that you got the message.

One more point on Tikkun Olom.

Judaism teaches that a person's Olam (world) has a physical aspect and a spiritual aspect. We need to try and fix up both aspects.

I certainly do not want to discourage anyone from doing any of the 613 mitzvahs. Judaism teaches that G-d provides reward for every act. If the only thing that a person does is acts of kindness, then that person will be rewarded for them. However, that person will also be called to justify that which was abandoned.

I am glad that you are seeking Jewish sources. I encourage you to become involved in the study and practice of every mitzvah. Please let me know if I can recommend for you a study group in your area.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

5/1/98
Head Boxes

>I am writing a paper for a class and I had some questions. I recently
>attended a Jewish service on April. 19 and I was told it had something
>to do with Passover but I don't quite understand. Most of the people at
>the service were male and they had something wrapped around their head
>with a box on it and I was wondering if you could tell me what was the
>significance of the box. Thank you.

The Torah instructs us to wear adornments on our heads and arms and they are called T’filin.

T’filin contain hand-written parchments upon which four sections of the Torah are written.

Here is one of the four sections, Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Listen, O Yisroel, Hashem (the Name of G-d) is our G-d, Hashem is one.

And you shall love Hashem your G-d with all your heart, with all your life, and with all your resources.

And these words that I command you today shall be upon your hearts.

And you shall teach them to your children and you shall speak in them, when you sit in your homes, when you travel on your ways, when you lie down, and when you arise.

And they shall be a symbol upon your hand and they shall be for Totofos (T’filin) between your eyes.

And you shall write them on the door posts of your homes and gates.

Today we wear T’filin during the weekday morning service. Earlier in our history we wore them all the time.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

5/3/98
On The Rough Spots

>If the rewards/punishments are to be realized in the world to come, what
>are the purposes/meanings of rewards/punishments as we see them in this
>world?

As I understand it, reward and punishment are best understood as a means in this world. However, they are an end in the next world.

For this reason, for this world they are better understood as experiences of pleasure and experiences of suffering, not reward and punishment in the true sense.

There are many aspects to this and I will present a few models.

A person may not deserve to endure the agony of punishment in the next world, which is a very intense experience. G-d may therefore substitute suffering in this world for the infractions that the person did so that he/she would only experience reward in the next world.

The converse also occurs. For those who do not sufficiently value or consider the afterlife, momentary pleasures of this world can be substituted for its eternal pleasure.

Here's another model, again one of many.

In this world, a wicked person may experience success and pleasure and a good person may experience failure and he/she may suffer. Without this occuring, if only good things happened to good people and if only bad things occurred to bad people, then no one would want to be wicked and everyone would want to be righteous. That is, this phenomena enables us to have free-choice. It therefore enables a person to consider the possibility that G-d is not managing the world.

So, people sometimes experience pleasure or suffering in order to enable free-choice for either themselves or for others.

As an aside, anyone who undergoes suffering in order to enable free-will for mankind will be eternally compensated by G-d for their moments of discomfort.

There are other reasons for good things happening to bad people and bad things happening to good people.

Finally, we may also experience reward and punishment in this world in a very limited sense, much like minor dividends on a huge investment.

We are taught that the pleasures (and suffering) of the next world are on a scale that is totally beyond than that which we are familiar with in this world.

Most of us are familiar with physical pleasure. We don't fully appreciate the pleasure of spiritual greatness.

In actuality, we do not receive true reward in this life because we are incapable of existing, much less functioning, with it. The Talmud teaches that in the next world, G-d will help us contain and enjoy its great pleasures.

Sounds nice? Let's keep up the Mitzvah work.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

5/17/98
Plague Papers

>Is there non-Biblical evidence that the Exodus written about in the Torah
>actually occurred? What about the plagues? I would guess that the
>Egyptians, and perhaps neighboring peoples, would have documented such
>catastrophic events as these.

I don't know of any record from that time that is as solid as the Bible.

The ancient historians (and even many modern ones) were strongly inclined to record for posterity only the good news.

Frequently, their bosses were the either the king or his staff. If they wrote (actually engraved) something that their bosses disliked then they were dead, very quickly with no questions asked.

The Exodus and the plagues were bad news for the ancient world.

Therefore, most ancient records may not be fully reliable.

Also, many people have difficulty with the implications of the Exodus and the plagues. This can provide some members of the archeological community with a source for bias. It may have affected the way they interpreted their findings or whether they even disclosed them.

The Bible contains the good news and it contains the bad news. It's truth has kept us going for the past thirty-three centuries.

It's pretty hard to record history in a non-biased manner. See if you can find a high school book that was written in the United Kingdom which discusses the American Revolution. I think that you will be quite amazed/amused by it.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

5/17/98
Brother and Sister

>The Torah forbids incest between a brother and a sister. (E.g. Lev. 18:9)
>
>But suppose a woman bears a son and gives it up for adoption and later does the same
>with a daughter. Later in life, the two meet, fall in love, marry and have children, totally unaware of that they >are siblings. Later, they discover they are siblings.
>
>1) What should they do? Divorce? Must they divorce? Stay married on account of the children but no more >engage in intercourse?
>
>2) Does it matter whether they knew they were Jewish before/during/after they were married?

As a general rule I do not issue Torah rulings, especially for matters that deal with marriage.

I can discuss this on a theoretical basis only, not to be taken as guidance or advice.

A Talmudic rule came to mind when I read the question.

Kidushin is the first formal step in the Jewish marriage process. The Talmud states that Kidushin does not take effect between people who are forbidden to marry to the degree that they would incur a penalty of Kares if they intentionally had relations.

Given the applicability of the rule to this situation, while the couple lived together, they could never be considered as having been married. Offhand, I don't see the relevance of a divorce ceremony because a man can only divorce a woman that he married.

As an aside, the relationship between a Jewish couple who lives out of wedlock but who can be married together is also a serious concern. Among other things, its termination may require a Jewish divorce.

In this case, while the couple can contribute to support the children, they must no longer live together as husband and wife.

Offhand, I don't see a relevance to the time that the couple became aware of their Jewish status. This misfortune depends on family relationship, not upon awareness.

The status of the children born from this relationship is of a serious nature.

If this has any practical relevance to any of my readers, please contact me and I will refer you to someone who issues advice and rulings in accordance with our Written and Oral Torahs.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

---

5/22/98
Father Not Jewish

>What is the relationship in Judaism to those whose father is not a Jew?
>What is his position in the comunity? Is any kind of discrimination?
>Would members of the comunity accept him/her as a part of their own families
>How is he called to the Torah? Would he/she get married like a kosher jew?

A person whose mother is Jewish is himself/herself a full Jew. There is no such thing as a person being partially Jewish.

The obligation for us to 'Love your neighbor as yourself' fully applies towards this individual. Furthermore, we are charged to 'Love the convert.' If G-d expects us to love someone whose both parents were non-Jews, all the more are we expected to love someone whose mother is Jewish.

It is possible that you may not always see this practiced. At times people lapse into a behavior that is not consistent with the Torah's standards. We need to gently encourage each other to keep the Torah.

There are several approaches with regards to a man being called up to the Torah. Some use Avraham (Abraham) as their father's name, since Abraham is called the 'Father of a multitude of Peoples.' I recommend that the Rabbi of the synagogue where he prays be asked this question.

All the best from JewishAmerica

6/11/98
She-koiach

>When one has an aliyah (an honor in the Synagogue service) he is congratulated
>with a "yasher koach" or something like that.
>
>What does this mean and what is the proper response?

You did a remarkably good job of capturing this phrase. It comes from the Hebrew words Y'yasher Kochacha. Through common usage, this phrase has been slurred down to an utterance which sounds something like she-koiach, or worse.

You may therefore receive a perplexing stare from the recipient of your properly pronounced Y'yasher Kochacha.

Y'yasher Kochacha is an expression that recognizes that a person has properly directed his/her energies.

An accepted response to a Y'yasher Kochacha is Baruch Tihiyeh, which means "May you be blessed."

We find Y'yasher Kochacha in the Talmud, Shabbos 87a. The Talmud reads this into a verse where G-d is speaking to Moshe (Moses) about his breaking the tablets. So to speak, G-d commended Moshe's heroic act with a Y'yasher Kochacha.

As you see from the people in the synagogue, one doesn't need to break the tablets to get a Y'yasher Kochacha.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

---

6/11/98
Un-Cohen

>What is the significance today of a Kohain (Priest) marrying a divorced woman?
>How does this affect his son's status as a Kohain?

The status, privileges, and responsibilities of a Kohain are transmitted by inheritance from father to son. Aharon (Aaron) and his four sons were our first Kohanim (plural of Kohain).

The Torah in Leviticus 21:7 provides guidelines for who a Kohain may and may not marry. A Kohain is precluded from marrying a divorcee.

For all practical purposes today, a boy who is born from this marriage has a status of an Isrealite, not that of a Kohain.

He is not bound by the guidelines of a Kohain and he may therefore marry a divorcee. Unlike a Kohain, he has no restrictions with regard to attending funerals.

The child has the privileges of an Isrealite, not of a Kohain. As such, he would not be called up to the Torah as a Kohain. He would stand among the congregation as a recipient of the Priestly blessings. He would not bestow them.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

6/22/98
Unfaithfuls

>In Forethoughts and Afterthoughts you wrote about unfaithful wives. Where is the thought about the far more frequent occurrence, unfaithful husbands?

The Torah was given some thirty-three centeries ago, during a period of history when polagamy was an acceptable way of life for general civilization.

The Torah does not command us to have more than one wife. Rather, the Torah accommodates it.

The Laws of Sotah were written within this cultural context. We can therefore better understand why there are no provisions Torah for the unfaithful husband.

Around a thousand years ago, European Jewry decided to forbid polyagmy within its community. Only then did the existence of the unfaithful husband become a possibility, and only within the European Jewish commmunity.

By then, we did not have a Temple and there were no trials of Sotah. Since then, both unfaithful husbands and unfaithful wives are dealt with by the courts.

In truth, our law requires that a marriage be terminated if the wife lives with another man but the marriage can continue if the husband lives with another woman.

A detractor may view this as an opportunity to discredit the Torah.

I disagree.

A man can make many women pregnant but a woman can get pregnant from only one man. A person can be uncertain who his/her father is. However maternal identity is obvious from birth.

I believe that a person has a deep-rooted need to know who his/her real parents are. A person can't satisfy this need if his mother bred him in an illicit manner.

If people want to label this as discrimatory, let them direct their energy to the laws of biology, not to the laws of the Torah.

In your question, you asserted that the unfaithful husband is a far more frequent occurrence. I have no statistics on this. Both are tragedies.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

---

6/22/98
Returning Back

>As a Jew living in the US should I return back to Israel?

Moving to Israel makes sense when you see the possibility that it will culturally and financially work our for you and for your family.

Moving to Israel makes sense when you see the possibility that it will cause an increase in your family's Jewish identity and practice, not the reverse.

You must investigate both whether to make Aliah and how to do it.

At times, there are personal considerations that suggest a delay.

So, you must determine whether, how, and when.

You should discuss this with a Rabbi who knows you and your personal situation?

All the best from JewishAmerica.

---

6/22/98
Tzitzit Workout

>If one wears tzitzit, can one take them off (during the day) while exercising?

It depends on the exercise. If it's of a nature that you won't be able to do much exercise without stoping to wash your sweaty tzitit, then it doesn't make sense to wear them at that time.

It also doesn't make sense to wear them if they will get ruined by your exercise.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

6/22/98
Tzitzit Reasons

>What are the reasons that do men have to wear tzitztit and is it an obligation?

Tzitit are special fringes that are put on a garment. People make reference to a four-cornered garment with the tzitit attached as being tzitit. Really it's the fringes that's are the tzitit.

The Torah tells us that we will derive a spiritual benefit of remembering the other commandments by looking at  our Tzitit.

It may not be very satisfying to hear this, but the real reason we wear tzitit is that G-d told us do it. Why does he want us to? I honestly don't know. For most of the commandments I can speak about some benefits from doing them, but not about reasons why G-d wants us to do them.

This commandment is only applicable during daylight hours, for someone who wears their own four-cornered garment that is meant to cover the body, and if the garment is of a certain minimal size. We therefore don't put Tzitit on scarfs or on Fruit-Of-The-Loom undershirts.

If you are not wearing a four-cornered garment then you don't have to attach Tzitit.

This commandment is rather unique in that we are expected to put ourselves in a situation that obligates us to wear Tzitit. That is, men should go out of their way to obtain and wear a four-cornered garment with Tzitit.

We don't find this by other commandments, such as the commandment to build a fence around a balcony. That is, we're not expected to purchase a house so that we can put a fence around the balcony. Yet, we are expected to purchase and wear a four-cornered garment with Tzitit.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

6/22/98
Kosher And Nuts

>Are all nuts and dried fruit(even though no kosher label appears)
>considered kosher?

I wouldn't eat them without  reliable Kosher certification. Modern food technology and our food label laws provide many of ways for a company to legally inject chazerei in an undocumented manner.

Nuts and dried fruit are cooked in oil. Oil manufacturing plants have kosher and non-kosher production runs. Even if the dried fruit / nuts list a Kosher type of oil, you have no assurance that the previous oil production run wasn't for lard (ouch!).

All the best from JewishAmerica.

6/22/98
Hebrew in Hawaii

>We are a newly formed organization (Kona Association of Hebrew Education
>and the Arts) and are very interested in a home study course on Torah
>and Judaism for our newly formed women's group. Our first meeting is
>Sept 10. It would be fabulous if you would send me some information.
>From Kailua-Kona, HI 96740

I have some stellar programs for you.

Check out Ohr Someach's web site, http://www.virtual.co.il/education/education/ohr/

They are planning to have on-line an exciting hands-on learning experiences, which combine the best features of classroom teaching and student participation.

Check out Aish Hatorah's web site, http://www.aish.edu/

They have some great resources.

Also, I may be able to arrange for someone to study with your group by phone through Partners-In-Torah.

Let me know if you have a group that wants to hear JewishAmerica's Forethoughts and Afterthoughts over the phone, including interaction with the author.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

6/22/98
Painful Kaddish

>I am a survivor of child abuse. I will be in physical pain for the rest of
>my life because of what my deceased father did to me. I have tried despite my
>revulsion and hatred for my father  to obey the laws of Torah.
>However it has become increasingly hard for me to say
>the Mourners Kaddish for my father. Please help me. I don't know how to
>overcome my own anger and hold fast to my faith anymore.

I am so sorry to hear. May G-d give you strength and full healing, physical and emotional.

I hope that I can be of some help.

The Written Torah openly requires us to love, honor, and respect G-d.

The Written Torah openly requires us to honor and respect our parents.

The Written Torah openly requires us to love every fellow Jew as long as he/she acts likes a fellow and does not act in a wicked manner.

We are charged hate people who are truly wicked. This may not sound popular, but one can accept this in the light of it being a form of spiritual self-defense, to shield oneself from this person's corruption.

The Torah has many stories about righteous people who had wicked parents and of wicked people who had riteous parents.

Abraham (initially), Rachel, and Leah all had wicked parents and they went on to be so great that they founded the Jewish people.

There is a significant difference between how the Torah expects us to act and how the Torah expects us to feel.

Thus, the Torah expects us to act in a manner which displays respect and honor to a parent. Again, we don't see an open requirement to feel honor and respect.

Perhaps the Torah does not openly require a person to feel love towards his/her parent because a person can have a wicked parent, which evokes negative feelings.

You should therefore not feel guilty over the negative feelings towards your father. However, you must still retain control over what you do about them.

I don't believe that it is healthy for you to sustain this anger. A son has a natural desire to love and accept his parent. It's hard for you to do this now. You can only do this once you get in touch with your feelings of anger and acknowledge them. I recommend that you set yourself a goal to work yourself out of them.

Not everyone who acts in a wicked manner is truly wicked. While everyone is held accountable for their acts, the degree of their accountability is proportunate to the circumstance that brought the person to do the wicked acts.

While your father father did wicked acts, he may have been a victim in his own respect.

His eternity is quite woeful. The shame will make his heaven somewhat of a hell.

Now is not the time for you to feel pity for your father, but someday you may bring yourself to have this feeling. It will be a sign of healing and growth.

I recommend that you seek professional help who are sensitive to the needs of Torah observant community to help you work this through.

Regarding Kadish, actually two people should receive benefit from saying Kadish: The parent AND the son. It seems logical that a parent receives benefit to the degree that he/she was instrumental for having a son who says Kadish. When a son says Kadish because of what his father did, then this should be of great benefit to the father.

In your case, you will be saying Kadish in SPITE of what your father did. Thus, you should be the major recipient. That is, the Kadish may be of more benefit for you than for your father.

I also recommend that you look at the English translation of the Kadish. Ask yourself the following questions. What is this really a prayer for? Why does a mourner say it?

You will see the Kadish is actually a prayer to bring the Messianic era much closer, when all of mankind will comes to its senses, when people live in peace and harmony, when personal abuse will finally cease.

In this light, Kadish is a benefit for us all. You should therefore continue saying Kadish to benefit yourself and us all.

I can't explain why, but I feel that saying Kadish will help the healing process.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

6/28/98
Meaning of Love

>What does it mean to love?

I assume you are referring to love in a marriage.

I'd like to share with you some thoughts that I gave over during the wedding sheva brachos meal of my daughter.

We prefer to fly airplanes that have more than one engine. Similarly, we'd also like to base a marriage on more than one type of love.

There is a type of love that comes from physical attraction. It is quite effective, but it has drawbacks. Love based on physical attraction is nice, but it sometimes loses its steam. It also reduces over time.

G-d provided other mechanisims for cases when this engine does not work so well.

There is a type of love called Husband-Wife. It's the result of long-term sharing, caring, and it even grows from stress. The Torah says: "And they (Adam and Eve) shall become one flesh." It takes time for this type of love to build up. It's affect lingers even after one of the partners passes away. This type of love grows over time.

The Torah provides a third mechanism.

One of our six-hundred-thirteen commandments reads: "And you shall love your fellow as yourself..."

How can a person come to fulfill this commandment? To put it differently, how can G-d command a person to love something in a sincere manner? We can control our actions, but how can we turn on an emotion?

By nature, we naturally love a virtue. Rabbi Noach Weinberg explains this to be a commandment for a person to develop a talent for finding virtues in other people.

A husband and a wife have ample time to discover and appreciate each other's virtues, thereby fulfilling this commandment and strengthening their marriage.

All the best from JewishAmerica

---

6/28/98
Lilith

>I had heard that someone named "Lilith" was actually Adam's first wife. But as far as I know (and I
>don't know much) Lilith isn't mentioned in Genesis. Can you tell what you know about her?

Not very much is written about Lilith and about her I know a whole lot less.

I read one source that mentions her.

We come from Chava, not from Lilith.

Lilith was an independent creation, just like Adam was. Chava (Eve) was formed from part of Adam's body.

This may have something to do with the statement in Genesis that talks about marriage: "And they shall be one flesh.."

Perhaps we can view a successful marriage as the restoration of a great union. Perhaps this has something to do with a higher sense of satisfaction from a marriage relationship.

My source wrote that Lilith was designed to be a mate in the physical sense, alone.

However, Chava also had a role in helping Adam achieve perfection. In reality and for long-term, this relationship is much more satisfying.

I don't know whatever became of Lilith.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

---

7/8/98
Naming Girls

>Is there a traditional blessing to give at a naming ceremony for a baby
>girl?

I'm only familiar with traditional Ashkenazic customs.

The father gives a name in synagogue between the Torah readings and it is said in a MiSheberach prayer.

Are you due a Mazal Tov?

All the best from JewishAmerica.

---

7/14/98
Dating Out

>Where in the Torah is it written that jews are not meant to date out
>of the religion?
>
>I can not see how and why the Torah would say that a jew should not date
>a Christian, considering that Christianity didn't exist when the Torah
>was written.
>
>So why shouldn't a jew and a Christian date?
>
>I feel that if two people really like another than their religions
>shouldn't be a barrier.
>
>I am seeing a girl that is orthodox. She is from Israel.
>We are just friends but we like each other very much.
>
>As you can probably figure, I am a Protestant.

With all respect, we have different faiths.

We are precluded from marrying out of the Jewish faith. Also, we are charged to take appropriate measures to insure that this doesn't happen and dating can lead to intermarriage.

Friendship and dating are very different. We can and do have many Christian friends.

I know that it's not easy to find the right girl and I wish that I could be of more help to you.

You want to do it right and marry once. Unfortunately, differences in religion frequently serve to undermine a marriage relationship, as the glow wears off over time.

I'm sure that she's a nice girl. For the sake of your long-term happiness and her long-term happiness, I can't recommend that you continue dating her.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

7/16/98
Week Mike

>May a microphone be used in shul during the week (school minyan) so that
>the reader can be heard?

For some things that the reader says, they need to be said in such a way that it can be considered is as though we are saying them ourselves. For instance, each of us must read the Megilla on Purim. We are credited for reading it ourselves if we listen to the reader say it in the proper manner.

The experts on Torah law discuss whether listening to a Megilla over a microphone meets this need. You should therefore pose this question to the Rabbi that decides questions for this minyan.

Regardless of whether one can receive credit for saying something that was heard over a microphone, we may respond Amen to a blessing that we hear over a mike.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

7/16/98
Quick Names

>How can I find the meaning of the Hebrew names Ephraim and Navon? Quickly!

You can Quickly! open up the Bible to Genesis 41:52 where you will see that Joseph called his second son Ephraim because "G-d made me fruitful in the land of my suffering [Egypt]".

I assume that Navon derives from the Hebrew word Binah, which means insight and understanding. I guess that they put a lot of thought into this name.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

7/16/98
Dating Trouble

>A female friend of mine is separated. She will not be divorced for perhaps
>another year.
>
>She would like to date and develop a relationship with me.
>
>Though I am friends with her, even though she is separated, I still consider
>her married and feel it is not proper for me to date her. Also, since she has
>only been separated for a short time, I am concerned that she needs some
>'breathing' time before starting another relationship.

As always, your conscience is providing you with good advice.

She is still a married woman. Separated or not, no one likes his wife to date another man. Any involvement with her, even casual, can result in her husband dragging you into court in an ugly and no-win divorce case. Do you need this?

Your friend may a need for some security and certainty for her future life.

Until the divorce is final, she must learn to trust that G-d will provide her with a more appropriate mate, in the appropriate time and manner.

Of a married couple, the Torah says, "And they shall be one flesh." Given time, a husband and wife develop into a single 'unit.'

You want this out of a marriage.

I'm sure that you would not want to marry someone who dated another man while she was still married, because you would then have no certainty that she would refrain from doing the same to you. In and of itself, this uncertainty can impair this marriage relationship.

Aim to do it once and do it right.

Finally, for the sake of yourself, your wife, and your future children, the success of your Jewish home can only be maximized by its being built on the family standards that our Torah provides us with.

Restraint during this difficult period will only strengthen the bonds that both of you have with G-d. If and when you marry, He will help strenghten the bonds between you both.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

9/10/98
Safe Divorce

>A friend is Conservative Jewish, and is in the process of getting a divorce.
>She has a lawyer, and understands the procedure for what I guess you would
>call a "non-Jewish" divorce, however, her question is:
>
>"What is required for a Conservative Jewish couple to get a "Jewish" divorce?"
>
>(Does this involve getting a Get? How is this done, what else is required, etc.)

It is very difficult to provide an answer for the Conservative movement.

In my experience, their decisions of Jewish Law are frequently based on opinion and interpretation and they are rarely subject to analysis for being consistent with Jewish Law as it has been recorded over the centuries.

This approach provides them with the flexibility to issue lenient and popular rulings, almost at will.

Without a consistent and enforced written basis, the ruling of one Conservative authority is subject to being overturned by another, depending on his/her opinion.

As you can imagine, this approach has created quite a controversy within the Jewish people.

Because of this situation, I strongly recommend that your friend obtain a Get and that she seek advice and direction from a Torah scholar that prescribes and follows the process of divorce as it has been practiced for the past thirty-three centuries, in a manner that is beyond controversy.

Your friend does not need to go through the trauma of divorce to later find out that her religious divorce was invalid. She does not want the children of her second marriage to be later labeled as Mamzerim (bastards) within certain legal circles.

All the best from JewishAmerica

9/16/98
Hard Rocks

>If you believe in the theory of Creationism, how do you explain
>fossils and rocks that date back before 6,000 years ago?

I suggest that you look at what we have on this subject in our Tour of Jewish and World History. We start from the year zero, and then some years beforehand. Our pages on Evolution are near the beginning of the Tour. You can access the Tour from our Home Page, http://www.JewishAmerica.com

Please let me know if it satisfies your need for information.

>Is is at all a valid arguement that the theory of Creationism was made
>up before these scientific theories came about to help people understand
>where they came from?

For some thirty-three centuries now, Torah/Tradional Judaism has preserved the memory and legacy that the Torah was given to us from G-d through Moses. We maintain that the Torah was not 'made up' by a person. The first chapters of Genesis provide some background information on where we all came from.

>If you believe in the Theory of Evolution does it mean that you don't or
>cannot truly believe in a higher power, such as a God?

The natural world does exhibit some evolutionary mechanisms.

Evolutionists claim that this mechanism caused life as we know it to exist.

While we have documented mutations of existing life forms, these mutations are very limited. We have yet to see a system evolve, especially one that is complex and consists of a myriad of highly interdependent components.

Define for yourself a statistic for an event that you feel comfortable in saying that it is impossible. For instance, what is the probability that you will be hit by an asteriod while reading this e-mail? One in a thousand trillion? Use this as your starting point. Once you define for yourself statistical impossibility, go examine the world and all that science has to say about it. Then figure out whether it is statistically possible for the Theory of Evolution to be used as the reason for the existence of life.

All the best from JewishAmerica

---

9/16/98
Troubled Service

>A synagogue in my area has planned a service to be held on a Friday
>night to which members of a local church are to be invited. I
>understand that some of the church members or perhaps the church leader
>would be invited to do some readings during the service, although no
>prayers referencing Jesus would be recited and no prayers that would be
>incumbent on a Jew to recite would be recited/led by a non-Jewish guest
>(i.e., all of the prayers of the regular liturgy would be read/led by
>Jews). I have been told that the rationale for this service is an
>expression of darchei shalom, which I understand to indicate a mitzvah
>of living peacefully with one's neighbors.
>
>I am troubled by this arrangement. I find it difficult to accept that
>it would be halachically permissible to do this, even if in furtherance
>of a mitzvah of living peacefully with one's neighbors. I am further
>concerned that the synagogue is expending efforts on reaching out to
>non-Jews when there are so many unaffiliated Jews who are certainly a
>more appropriate target of synagogue efforts. I do not feel myself
>sufficiently learned to be able to cite the appropriate halachic sources
>to the organizers of the event, however.
>
>Could you direct me to some relevant halachic sources on the
>permissibility/impermissibility of an arrangement such as I have
>described? I would also be interested in hearing your views on the
>subject.

Your message reflects a sense of alarm and outrage. Your feelings are justifiable.

Does the synagogue in question follow halacha? If they don't then halachic references would be of no help because they define and follow their own laws.

It is certainly a mitzvah to living peacefully with one's neighbors. Apparently, the organizers feel that not extending this invitation will provoke open anti-semitic hostilities.

If true, then I suggest that you direct them to seek shelter under the laws of the land in which they live.

If this is not true then I suggest that the organizers are suffering from paranoia.

I say with all the respect due to the other regions, that the Jewish people survived thirty-three centuries of history without feeling a need to invite other religions into their sanctuaries in order to protect themselves.

In our generation, much of our youth has great difficulty in seeing the difference between our way of life and that of others. Assuming that the organizers feel an urge to take on a cause for self defense, I feel that this program is counterproductive.

One more thing. Certain groups are expending great resources to convert Jews away from Judaism. The organizers may be unwitting cohorts in this form of spiritual genocide.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

9/24/98
Priest Shortages

>I am a seminarian currently studying Old Testament History. While reading
>this history I have come to a question in my mind that I articulated to my
>professor.
>
>That question has to do with Levites and Priests after the reign of King Solomon.
>
>After King Solomon died, there were periods where the Kings of Israel and
>Judah did not follow the precepts of G-d. They were frequently followed by Kings
>that came back to G-d's command. What happened to the Levites and Priest during
>these different times. There was always available to the Kings Levites and
>Priests to worship G-d acceptably, where did they come from?
>
>For example, King Manessah that led Judah in the ways of idolitary reigned
>for some 60 years. His sucessor was King Josiah a young boy who G-d showed
>His ways. When the time was right and King Josiah went about restoring the
>temple there existed Levites and Priests to perform the proper rites and
>rituals.
>
>Did they go into exile and then called back? Were they in whole or part
>slain? Did some follow the Kings instructions to worship idols? Did they go into
>seclusion?
>
>Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
>
>A Believer in G-d Al-mighty

Sorry for the delay. Glad to get your thoughtful question.

Pardon me if I am wrong, but I assume that you view the definition of the Torah to be dependent on the existence of Priests and Levites, and visa versa.

Indeed, many religions are highly dependent on the existence of Priests.

Traditional Judaism is very unique in this respect.

The Torah was given to us from G-d through Moses some thirty-three centuries ago. It is a body of instructions and knowledge that defines Jewish behavior.

Every aspect of religious life can only be authenticated by its being consistent with that which Moses taught us. Jewish religious behaviour is not subjects to ad-hoc definition. It is above human definition and decree, except that which the Torah itself allows. Even the methods of interpreting the Torah are well defined.

Thus, for the past thirty-three centuries, Traditional Jewish life has been based on scholarship, not on Priesthood.

We have a huge store of recorded teachings from which we can determine consistency with the Torah of Moses.

Furthermore, we believe that every Jewish person bears the responsibility to preserve this great knowledge base. This is not relegated to just the Priesthood.

The Prophets were very instrumental in maintaining our knowledge base. The evil kings were unable to eradicate them and Torah scholarship was preserved.

Thus, the Priests were of no threat to the evil kings and the evil kings did not distort our knowledge base.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

9/27/98
Finding The Rabbi

>I am looking for some guidance. I am the VP of the board of a new, small
>(100 member units) congregation, led by community members, in the Southwest.
>We are currently unaffiliated but in the process of
>exploring the pros and cons of affiliation and seeking information re:
>figuring out whether we are ready to hire a rabbi and, if so, how to do
>it. Do you know of any pamphlets/books/other sources of information
>which would help our congregation figure out what questions we should be
>asking ourselves as we begin this process?
>
>Thank you in advance for any information you can provide.

It depends on how you want to connect yourselves with the past and future of the Jewish people. It also depends on whether you believe in G-d and the degree to which your conformance to His will is of significance.

Some people find comfort in linking themselves with a system that has supported us for the past thirty-three centuries. It provides guidelines for every aspect of life and it provides a clear clear trace to these guidelines back to the days of Sinai. Because of this trace and its associated documentation, it is easy to see how this system is in full conformance with G-d's will. This also provides an emotionally satisfying link with written guarantees of a great and eternal destiny. Also, due to the abundance of documented behavioral standards, the possibility of congregational clashes over Jewish behavior is significantly reduced, but not altogether.

Rather than using a stereotyping label, lets call the above by the name "Choice One."

Here is now "Choice Two."

Some people find comfort in defining their own religious guidelines within social, historical, cultural and religious backdrops, all of which are subject to change. They place special emphasis on personal freedom and they shun guidelines that are imposed on them, documented or otherwise. It is intersting to note that despite the lack of a clear link to the sources that define Jewish behavior for the past 33 centuries, they want to be told by their spiritual leader that their behavior is consistent with Judaism, whatever this term means to them.

This religious approach is clearly dependent on personalities and social chemistry. Assurance of conformance to G-d's will, even belief in G-d Himself may be of relatively little significance.

The religious decision-making system within Choice Two is therefore is very prone to volitility and instability.

Since there is hardly any allegiance to documented standards, almost anything can go and still be labled 'Jewish.' This camp contains a wide variation of behavioral and religious norms.

In the secular and Jewish press, this camp seems to be viewed as mainstream American Judaism. Choice One clearly suffers from bad press.

Choice One has been attacked a number of times. In the latest barrage, leaders from the Choice Two camp, with the full support of the secular and Jewish press, promulgated a story that the Choice One leaders do not consider anyone of Choice Two to be Jewish. I personally know that this is false. It is defamatory and ugly politics. What is true is that some people from the Choice One camp came out on their own with public statements against BEHAVIORS that leaders from Choice Two claimed to be authentically Jewish. This is perfectly understandable, because Choice One defines Jewish behavior by documented sources that Choice Two places little significance on. (I must say that Choice One leadership does have problems with people who convert to Judaism via Choice Two, simply because they can provide no guarantee that the conversion process was done according the standards.)

I bring this up because of the possibility that you may have been a victim of this bias.

Now, there are several flavors to Choice Two.

One flavor relishes their attachment to the Jewish heritage (whatever that can mean) and to some subset of documented Jewish behavior.

Another flavor relishes their attachment to the culture within which they live. Since we have been living among Gentile cultures for most of our history, they would view the Jewish heritage to be some type of reflection of the Gentile cultures that we have lived in. Therefore, Babylonian Judaism was basically Babylonian, German Judaism was basically German, and American Judaism is to be basically American. They have no need for a link to any documented standards, although every congregation has one or more Torahs in their ark.

This flavor is most interested in social causes.

Due to popular demand in America, this flavor has recently come to declare an affinity with the State of Israel.

We also note several fringe groups, which I assume are not within the range of consideration.

One large group bases behavior on the philosophy and viewpoint of a contemporary Jewish leader who has defined his own type of Judaism, much akin to those of Camp Two.

Several other groups base behavior on something 'Jewish' together with belief of the Messainic identity of an individual. One promotes the Christian savior and another promotes a Rabbi in Brooklyn who died several years ago. Besides their obsession with Messianics, many from these groups exhibit and promote Choice One - type behavior, especially those in the second group.

Well, this is really some mouthfull to chew on!

Once you all decide on the choices and flavors, you can go about looking for a spiritual leader.

In choosing a Rabbi, I'd look for a likeable person, with experience, ability to work with people of all ages, and ability to work with family-related problems.

Choice One Rabbis must be real scholars or have close ties with them, because they must provide a trace for every decision regarding Jewish behavior. Choice Two Rabbis really don't need to be scholars, but it wouldn't look good if you hired someone who is obviously an ignoramus.

Investigate the person's credentials. Look into the academic references.

For this factor, I feel that the person's Jewish library is of significance. Look for someone who has a large Jewish library with Hebrew books and see how they are arranged. Pay close attention to the ordering of multi-volume sets of Hebrew books, those with book one labeled 'Alef', book two labeled 'Bais,' etc.

A good Choice Two Rabbi would have his/her Hebrew books arranged with the Alef on the right-most side, since Hebrew letters go from right to left. A bad Choice Two Rabbi would have his/her Hebrew books backwards, an obvious give-away that the poor chap doesn't even know the Hebrew alphabet.

The library of a good Choice One Rabbi would have a number of books with worn out pages. Look at the sets themselves. Some books within a set will seem new and others within the same set will be beaten up. Some entire sets will be new and others will be worn. Look out for sets with volumes on one side that are worn and others that are new. This indicates that the good Rabbi is currently going through the set. A disorder of labeled volumes is of little significance, unless they are consistenly backwards. In fact, a small number of out-of-order books indicates scholarship. However, a large number indicates disorganization, unless the good Rabbi has a large family.

The Choice One Rabbi person is charged to lift his congregation up to the standards of the Torah. A good candidate must therefore be personable and have a magnetic and inspiring personality, together with a command of the English language. Ability to sing and dance is of little relevance.

Those who opt for a Choice Two Rabbi may feel a need or a desire to bring the standards of the Torah down to meet their preferences. The good Choice Two Rabbi must therefore be either very pliable or discretely ignorant.

It is difficult to explain, but salaries of Choice Two Rabbis tend to be relatively stellar. Maybe it's because of supply and demand. With all due respect, perhaps because Choice Two tends to lack a clear link with the eternal destiny of the Jewish people, some may feel more of a need to fill the void within themselves in this manner.

A growing number of congregations are taking an excitingly new approach for spiritual resources and leadership. They are very happy about it and I can provide references. They host and sponsor a small group of resident scholars who do a mixture of continuing their scholarship and also working within the community. This approach does cost more but you get a whole lot more.

I have more information if you opt for Choice One or for resident scholars.

If you opt for Choice Two, I'd recommend that your congregants still use the services of Choice One Rabbis for all matters that involve changes in Jewish status, especially marriage, divorce, and conversion. This is because the processes that Choice Two Rabbis take for executing these changes are highly controversial, since the Rabbis themselves are not necessarily bound by any rigorous standards. Should compliance to documented standards be ever questioned for a marriage, divorce, or conversion, the process by which it was effected can be easily invalidated. In fact, the burdon of proof typically falls on the people that it affected.

Please let me know if I can be of further help.

All the best from JewishAmerica.

10/15/98
Bad Professor

>Our daughter, a first-year college student and the only Jew in a class
>called "Greeks and Hebrews," had a horrible experience in class yesterday.
>The professor declared, and all the other students agreed, that both G-d
>and the Jewish people are guilty of "genocide" and of pursuing a
>policy of "ethnic cleansing" in the book of Joshua. When our daughter
>tried to disagree, she was practically shouted down. We've suggested some
>arguments to her, but our knowledge of commentaries on Joshua is limited.
>Can you suggest arguments she can use or sources she (or we) could
>consult? She's a very courageous girl and is determined to do all she can
>to oppose stereotypes about "the G-d of wrath," but we need some help.

Everyone abhors the concepts of genocide and ethnic cleansing. It seems that your daughter's professor succeeded in creating an environment of mass indignation within his classroom by using these words. He then directed these negative feelings against G-d and the Jewish people, your daughter included.

It is very unfortunate that your daughter had to endure this experience. Your daughter was all alone as a Jew. If it's any comfort, she is in good company.

In my opinion, this incident reflected a lack of common courtesy and consideration on the part of this professor. He could have stated his views and managed his classroom in a manner that would have respected your daughter's feelings and beliefs. Academic freedom does not give anyone a license to cause anguish, especially to an unsuspecting student.

What is a nice Jewish girl doing in such a place? Why does your daughter have to be subjected to learning about Jewish history in a class entitled 'Greeks and Hebrews?'

By the way, the Jewish people preceded Greek civilization.

Allow me to offer some advice.

You are probably paying a fortune for this college 'education.' Do yourself and your daughter a favor. Pull her out of this school and enroll her in Maalot, of Har Nof - Jerusalem. They offer a fully accredited degree and she will have a much more enjoyable environment.

The tuition will probably cost you a fraction of what you are now paying. If I am right, then take the difference and put it aside each year. By the time your daughter graduates, you may have enough money to buy an apartment in Israel, for yourselves or your daughter.

Where do you think she'll have a better chance of meeting your future son-in-law? What type of boy do you want her to come home with?

Let me know if you're interested in Maalot and I'll provide further details.

Regarding the professor, I believe that it would be futile for your daughter to argue with him. In all probability, his statements and the reaction of the class reflect a deep and underlying bias. In my opinion, her best response is silence and to carry on with dignity, as a proud and believing Jew.

Genocide occurs when a person obtains power and asserts his/her bias or personal preferences to destroy a well defined group of people. The perpetrator is a person, with the same right to life as the people that he/she destroys.

G-d is the source of life for us all. He has the power and right to life on this Earth for us all.

I don't understand why the professor was mad at G-d for ordering the death of seven nations, while he seemed to have no problem with G-d taking away the lives of every man, woman, and child that ever walked the face of this Earth, over almost the past six-thousand years of civilization.

The professor has to assume several beliefs in order to begin to understand this all.

First, he needs to accept the existence of a G-d who provided specific behavioral guidelines for all of Mankind. Furthermore, G-d designed the world in a manner so that conformance to these guidelines will bring about the eternal greatest happiness for Mankind and their disregard amounts to self-destruction.

This is NOT a believe-and-you-will-be-saved theology, which may be where the professor is coming from.